How does a bald woman get shampoo in her eyes? I admit that it is unlikely that a bald woman would have a need to use shampoo. But if she did, she may be caught unawares as to the inadequacy of her newly lame eyebrows to usher that stinging goo along the brow rather than it glopping straight down into the waiting orb. Man did that sting! It wasn’t just some soapy water, mind you. It was a big gob of shampoo right smack in my eye.
So why was I using shampoo when I don’t have any hair? After my 2nd infusion of Taxol, I’ve spent the past 3 days writhing in pain and, although I did sit in multiple tubs of steaming hot water for pain relief, cleaning my body (and head) was not foremost on my mind and was not the purpose of those lavations. So today, as the pain finally began to subside and I was able to stand up-right, a proper shower was in order. This included cleansing my scalp, sans hair. And what better product for that than shampoo?
But somehow the shampoo slid down my forehead where it would normally meet resistance from an eyebrow. My brows have always been so light that I’ve always looked a bit like a cancer patient (great!). But they’ve served me well as a bulwark, whether for sweat or shampoo. Only now my eyebrows are like a dysfunctional family. Oh, they are keeping up appearances, as if the eyebrow, the thing itself, is still normal, still intact. But some of the members have just up and left. Those that remain are keeping their distance from the others. Hence the breach that results in my now typing this with one eye closed.
There’s a Jack Nicholson line from the movie Terms of Endearment (but I will always attribute it to my friend Mike Dennis who I first heard it from) that goes, “I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.” Mike used it to relay his reluctance to sample at PJP Landfill or Burnt Fly Bog on a 100 degree August day (unless there was overtime involved, of course). Since then I’ve used it, along with the phrase “I’d rather crawl over broken glass,” to express my thoughts on writing rules and monthly reports. But I have to say that I’d rather squirt shampoo on my bald head and have it slip down my forehead, unabated by brows, into my baby blues than have to deal with Taxol-triggered bone pain again.